Brittany

I have never been the social butterfly. In fact, I'm introverted to the extreme. There is a whole crazy, messed up WORLD going on inside my noggin. I have very few close friends that I can count on one hand. I would do ANYTHING for these ladies, and I know they would do the same for me. You girls know who you are. There is one in particular who has had my back since I was two years old. Brittany and I grew up next door neighbors. We were inseparable. What makes this so crazy, is how incredibly different we are today. We spent thousands of days together, and yet we have grown up to be complete opposites. Let me elaborate. I got married at the age of 21, have three kids, am overweight because of said three kids, live in a house that is 30 minutes away from where I grew up, and I love being settled down. Where is Brittany? She's in Paris. Teaching Pilates. In her first ever serious relationship at the ripe old age of 29.

Brittany is one of those women who is absolutely gorgeous, and she doesn't know it. Yes, these women really do exist outside of Twilight and Fifty Shades. She's a Pilates instructor, for Christ's sake. And has big green eyes and dirty blonde hair, and a body that most women would kill for. She has this amazing ability to thrive in settings that I would fail miserably in. She moved to France, unable to speak French, with no real plan- and this isn't the first time she has moved to a foreign country with no plan and a few bucks in her pocket and THRIVED. I'm afraid to travel to any foreign country if I don't speak the language. She moved in, settled in, and is very successful. France had no chance against her. What amazes me is that she has a bit of a flaky personality, but she manages to pull it all together and find her happiness whenever she goes. Last time I talked to her, she told me she is saving her money to go to Thailand. Do you want to know what I know about Thailand? I like Pad Thai. That's all I got.

Brittany and I were strange children, to say the least. After all, I do love me some weirdos. As kids, we had a club in the closet in the spare bedroom of my house. The title of the club? “Idiots in a Closet Doing Nothing.” We had a pledge, (that I would kill to remember), and we sang to our club flag, which was a picture of a giant piece of macaroni and cheese. Speaking of macaroni and cheese, we were master chefs in the preparation of the stuff. And none of that cheap crap. Kraft all the way. (Perhaps this is why I fail at every diet I have ever tried- because I feed my kids this stuff once or twice a week and I LOVE IT DEARLY). We concocted the perfect preparation techniques- it was always super cheesey, never “bally” (which is the term we made up when there wasn't enough milk/butter in the mix and it got all nasty). I would never divulge these secrets to anyone. The perfect bowl of mac and cheese is a secret, built upon years and years of experience. The only people who know are me, Brittany and Beau. We will not be sold out. Well, Beau might be, and that's fine. We need the money.

Brittany and I would get into petty childhood fights, and who didn't with their best friend? I don't remember what most of the fights were about, but I do remember we would fight over JTT. If you are a girl and were born in 1983, 1984 or 1985, then I don't need to elaborate here. You KNOW who JTT is. For those of you who were not born in these years, JTT is Jonathan Taylor Thomas, our heart throb. He was on the show “Home Improvement,” and also did the voice of Simba in “The Lion King.” We would sit and day dream about him, about being the voice of Nala, Simba's lion girlfriend in the movie. We would write in our diaries about him. We would also write in our diaries after we fought about how much we hated each other- and these entries would often end with “Oh, Brittany is here to play. Gotta go. I guess I still like her.”

Oh, JTT. You're so hot.

It seemed we were never bored as children, though I know that can't be true. We played Barbies, made “egg babies” with little diapers constructed out of Kleenex. We made magnets out of cardboard and tried to sell them on the sidewalk like it was a lemonade stand. We made up dance routines and rollerskating routines in her basement and forced our mothers to watch us. We played 'Saved by the Bell,” and the “winner” was always Kelly, leaving the loser to decide between Lisa or Jesse or even worse, Tori. Gross. (My brother Denny was always Zach, and I think he still believes he is to this day. I know for a fact that he is still in love with Kelly Kapowski). We ate together, drank together, played together, laughed together, cried together, lived together.

I love Brittany more than these words can write. Now we are thousands of miles apart, living completely different lives. I only talk to her once or twice a year, and I have no idea when I will see her next. I asked Beau if I could go visit her in Paris, and he laughed and laughed. It's just not a possibility at this time with three children under the age of five. No matter how far away we are, we are always connected by our memories and our past. She will always be a part of me. And we will forever and always be idiots in a closet doing nothing.

Love you Britney Anne!

Me and Brittany in her room, thirteen years old. Please note the art project in the background. 

It's of the Pope. I told you she was (and is) a weirdo.