A friend of mine on facebook recently
posted this article about women who cannot afford to feed their
babies, so they water down the formula they receive from WIC. I made
a few comments about it, and I'm honestly not too certain why,
because breast vs bottle feeding is an issue that doesn't interest
me. I commented that my WIC office was rather aggressive with me when
I chose to quit, asking me why I decided to end breastfeeding, and
giving me the eye when I told them that I “just wanted to stop.”
I also made a comment that many woman chose not to breastfeed for
“selfish” reasons. The moment I made that claim, I was
immediately attacked by another woman who insisted that I was bashing
other women, and that “any reason is reason enough to not want to
breastfeed.” She insisted that I was “pushing breastfeeding
hard” and that I need to stop “fueling the 'Mommy wars.'” I was
stunned. Mostly because that's not what I was doing AT ALL. Mostly
because I just don't care about the issue.
A woman can do whatever she wants with
her body. It's HER body. I was on both ends of the breastfeeding
spectrum. Charden never nursed. She was too small to latch, and I
pumped for four long months before she was thriving enough that I
felt it was okay to stop. Jamie wanted to nurse constantly, I mean
CONSTANTLY, and my body couldn't keep up, so I quit after eight
weeks. Obviously nursing is the best choice, but whether you do it or
not is YOUR BUSINESS. Not mine.
At one point I even unfriended a person on facebook because she was so "pro-breastfeeding" that it made me angry. She had no children, I repeat, NO CHILDREN, but was posting articles about the benefits of breastfeeding like she was a lactation consultant (she is not). At one point, she posted an article about how formula feeding causes obesity. This is the point that I unfriended her. Charden was formula fed because despite all of my tireless efforts to breastfeed, she just couldn't. I felt like a failure of a mother because I couldn't breastfeed my baby, who was failure to thrive. And then there was this person on facebook telling me that my baby, who was born at two and a half pounds, was going to grow up to be obese because I wasn't nursing her. How. Ridiculous.
Now, with all of that being said, I would like
to examine the statement that I made that many women chose not to
breastfeed for selfish reasons. The one instance that I can think of
that would cause me to say such a ridiculous statement is from the
MTV show Teen Mom, in which Farrah decided not to breastfeed because
she was worried that it would make her breasts saggy. This is a
selfish reason. It's not a right or a wrong reason, but it is
selfish. Allow me to provide the definition of “selfish.” From
Dictionary.com:
self·ish
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare,etc., regardless of others.
characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself.
Caring about your breasts sagging is
about your interests. It's about what benefits you and your own
welfare. It's a plain fact that not wanting your breasts to sag is a
selfish reason not to breastfeed. Let me mention again that it does
not matter to me if you breastfeed your baby. I don't care if you
don't breastfeed your baby because you just plain don't want to. Good
for you for making a decision. As long as your baby gets fed, that's
all that the world should care about. The whole concept of “mommy
wars” is totally ridiculous to me. People need to butt out of what
every body else is doing, and focus on what is going on in their own
home with their own children and their own bodies.
I really can't stand it when a complete
stranger accuses me of being hateful and bashing others, but I guess
that is the beauty of the internet. You can say whatever you want
about anybody and there are no repercussions. I know who I am and
where I stand about certain issues. This woman has no idea that I am
a person who cares about the welfare of others, who devotes her life
to helping others. She was so quick to judge who I am and what my
beliefs are without a second thought. In one statement that I made,
she was able to draw an entire conclusion about what I stand for, and
where I stand on a issue that until now, I have not vocalized a
single consonant about.
How about we stop assuming we know
everything, and just make sure that our children are taken care of.
That sounds like a good plan to me.
